Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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