That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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