omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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