I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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