So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
