I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
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he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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