i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
