Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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