maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
