dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
