maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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