Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you never un-have a 4some
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
