So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
