fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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