I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize