I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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