then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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