i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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