my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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