Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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