Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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