You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
