Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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