Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
