My first STD was from a foam party
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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