apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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