Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
