whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
