Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
