At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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