I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
