My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
