I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
