I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
