Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Panties = found
Randomize
