I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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