hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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