the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
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You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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