There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
