Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Vodka?
Forever.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
