And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
