I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
