I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
