I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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