Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
