I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
