Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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