He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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