Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize