omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need to sanitize my soul.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
