i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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