Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
