i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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