Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
