I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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