before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
