laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
