Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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