Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
