Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
