Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just had sex on a roof
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
