I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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