hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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