What did we do last night that was yellow?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
