From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
