So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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