if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
