I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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