my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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