either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
