anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
