Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
