it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My dick has a subreddit
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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