I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
