you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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