around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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