I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
