Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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