So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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