Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
