I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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