Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
