Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
